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Adult Dating
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Adult Personals
The Human Need For
Love & Intimacy
Given one wish in life, most people would wish to be
loved--to be able to reveal themselves entirely to another
human being and be embraced by that acceptance. People who
have successfully built an intimate relationship know its
power and comfort. But they also know that taking the
emotional risks that allow intimacy aren't easy. Built upon
the sharing of feelings, intimacy requires consummate trust
(Avery, 1989).
Three Faces of Love
Dr. Robert Sternberg suggests we look at love as a triangle.
If love is equally divided, it includes commitment, intimacy
and passion. Commitment, the cognitive component of love, is
all that some couples have left after intimacy is lost and
the passion has died. Intimacy is the emotional component of
love. Some people can bare their souls to each other but
have little in the way of commitment or passion. It's a
high-level friendship. Passion, the motivational component
of love, rules in some love triangles. This might be an
affair or a fling in which there is little intimacy and even
less commitment. According to Dr. Sternberg, all three
components must be present in a long-term, healthy
relationship.
What Are The Different Types Of Love?
Eros is the physical, sexual side of love. It is needing and
desiring, and wanting the other person physically. The
physical, sexual side of love called "Cupid" by the Romans.
Agape is the altruistic, giving, nondemanding side of love.
It is an active concern for the life and growth of those
whom we love. It is most clearly demonstrated by a parentīs
love for a child. Agape is an unconditional affirmation of
another person. It is a Greek term for spiritual love.
Philos is the love found in deep and enduring friendships.
It is also the kind of love described in the biblical
injunction "Love thy neighbor as thyself." It is also the
greek term for the love found in deep, enduring friendships;
a general love of humanity.
To have a love that includes all three is to truly be 'in
love.'
A Different Perspective Of Love
Not everyone sees love from the same point of view...or even
what you could call a positive one. Consider George Bernard
Shaw who wrote, "Love is the gross exaggeration of the
difference between one person and everybody else." Intrinsic
to Shaw's comments is the notion that individuals idealize
their romantic partners, seeing virtues in them that may not
be apparent to other observers. One of the greatest
challenges in dating is taking off those rose-colored
glasses before plunging into a serious relationship;
however, once the decision feels good and commitments have
been made, it is good to have some positive illusions about
your mate. Keeping those positive images is one predictor of
relationship success.
Enjoy!
Most of us rush through life, speeding from milestone to
milestone, without stopping to really enjoy each day. If you are
currently dating and hoping to fall in love some day soon,
remember to enjoy the dating process and not just view it as a
means to an end. Falling in love is so much fun! Many people
will tell you it was one of the best times of their lives. If
you arenīt having a good time dating, take a long look at your
current partner. It may be time to move on or to simply have an
attitude adjustment! |